I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
