If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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