i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
