where does the pee come out of this thing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
