I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
