i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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