I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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