The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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