in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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