i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
