i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
