3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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