Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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