i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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