The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
