Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
