There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
