Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
