If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
