so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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