He is like the real live version of the state fair..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
