I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
