i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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