She is in my trunk
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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