So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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