What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
