he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
