She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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