Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
