last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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