He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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