I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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