sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
