you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
