bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
