dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
