he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
