So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
