i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
