it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
