My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
