Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need a beard to bite.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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