You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
