from now on my penis is your penis
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
