There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
