Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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