Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
