i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
