last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
