Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
