Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
