gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
