areolas are like halos for boobs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
