I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
