So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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