yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
