how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
