Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
