respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
