Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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