Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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