I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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