Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
