I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
