he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
