I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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