so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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