YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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