It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
