I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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