Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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