Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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