You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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