i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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