If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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