I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
